2008

The Rule

Sweeheart-Remember the rule.  Don’t bring home anything you can’t wash off.  That should...

princess vespa

mom: can't wait until you drive the vespa and clearly, not alot of work is getting done.
but it works for me
me: have you named it yet?
mom: Well, first thought, little Miss Sunshine because it is yellow and barely makes it uphill
second thought
princess Vespa as in Spaceballs

Spring is sprung

Spring is sprungThe grass is rizI wonder where the flowers is?Hi Sweetheart!  I love you!  The...

make good decisions.

Be good and make good decisions. Be safe and respectful about yourself and your body. Have fun. We...

Mother's Day plans

Hosay!!   So, just spoke to Dad and here’s what we thought of — If you like it,...

Oh, he's a catch!!!

i get to go home in a minute or three.  Hooooooray!  It’s kind of cold today but this weekend is...

BLINGY

me: hi ma
mom: hi honey
me: whats shakin?
mom: I am so excited. I ordered a ring with man-made diamonds, since who knows when I will get a ring made with the loose diamonds I bought. It is made in a gold vermeil setting which feels like plastic but it is appropriately BLINGY and I LOVE IT. I look like such a rich lady with my big rocks!!!!!!!!!! I think it is just the bling that I want, not so much how the diamond is made
me: hahaha, well I am glad you will be appropriately blinged-out

beautiful gold plush curtains

I have just boxed up some beautiful gold plush curtains for your new residence from Grandma’s living...

wealthy!

your check for $13 arrived.When I deposit it, you will be wealthy!I love you,moi,your mom

RICE

Yesterday on the bus I saw this old Asian guy with 2(((25 lb.) bags of rice.  You know how many...

mother's day

Hi EveryoneIf you thinking of getting me anything for mother’s day, here’s some idea on...

SMAHHHHHHHHT!!!!

mom: How can I re-word the "then and only then"???????? I'm stuck.
me: You could just say "only then" , I think that would be fine.
mom: You're so SMAHHHHHHT!!!!!

wedding

Hi Son,We already sent the response card to your uncle but try calling him or Amy and try asking if...

a pleasure talking to you

Thank you for the pictures that I cannot open or even look at.  It was a pleasure talking to you...

Be well my little blueberries.

Dearest Sweetnesses,So. Here’s the thing: WHY i am getting two copies of all your emails?...

My daughter is a nice person

You will too get married (if that is what you want).  My daughter is a nice person…just let me...

INSTANT message

me: sometimes it takes me more than 4 seconds to respond
me: it doesn't mean that i just left
mom: it's supposed to be INSTANT lol
me: funny
mom: is today lunch with ana
me: yep - *anna
mom: have a nice time r u going to pizza in newton
mom: is she vegatarian
me: no and no
me: where did u come up with that one?
mom: same place other stuff comes from my twisted, assume too much, overreactive, jump to conclusion, overprotective, doesn't listen brain
me: ok...that was really necessary

calling you

Muaaaaa….. don’t forget I’m calling you before grey’s tonight so you best have a...

Tallyhoe!!!!!

Sorry for the phone call today, things are alright. Anyway miss you lots. Babyolaaa misses you (he...

ireland

we’re on the train back to gallway. - I found a boy for you at the james j Joyce museum....

fainting goats

This is a well-described medical syndrome in the family of “periodic paralysis”.  It...

starbucks

Hi,I went by and bought me a SKINNY LATTE - Sugar Free Cinnamon Dolce (Tall).  I added 1 splenda...

play along with grampa

I told grampa you got into grad school and told him you got a full scholarship, an exaggeration yes,...

Shorty

I was in the car listening to the radio, and who is this “shorty” they keep talking...

there are boobs in it

me: hi mom
mom: hi pookie...i just booked tickets for zumanity. miss you
me: What is zumanity?
mom: it is a very erotic show that explores sexuality.
hopefully dad will enjoy it
lol
it is at new york new york where we are staying
me: oh dear lord
does dad know about this?
mom: yeah....it explores gay stuff too
he he
he shold be ok...there are boobs in it
too
zumanity.com
me: well i can't click on that right now because i'm at work
mom: oh...maybe later then

spiders!@

keep your eyes open, they are hatching!! got a note from your Dad, so will hookup to relocate the...

egypt airport

I am at the egypt airport writing to you, food is awful here, i lost some wait, we are not allow...

turkey bacon

I was up in the middle of the night with aching bones and fever. It is not possible. Everybody...

the fun never ends

Just wanted to say hi.  I know you’re probably busy getting caught up at work after last...

Dita Von Teese

Check out Fredericks of Hollywood Dita Von Teese collection.  Very nostalgic and tasteful. Love...

YOU!!

Hey, I tried to call you this morning…I saw in the paper today that the IRS is sending out...

i don't trust the maid

Mom: just yestday i was telling Dad how disciplined u were as a toddler
Mom: i trained u to do no 2 before i leave for the office in the morning cos i don't trust the maid washing ur butt cleanly
Mom: hahahaha
Mom: and there's a tune to get u going too....hahahah
Me: omg
Mom: i know!

vulgar!

Do not say wamp wamp.  It is meaningless and vulgar!! is it supposed to have a meaning?? Love,...

magic.

Hi darlings, I hate magic.  Please let’s not go here.Love your mom

ugly necktie and blow up man

Mom: hey
Me: hi
Mom: how was your day
Me: good good
Mom: what did you do on your day off yesterday
Me: went shopping for an "ugly" necktie at the thrift stores
Mom: did you get the pic i sent its a blow up man that waves in the wind real cool'''real tall''''did you find a ugly tie lol
Me: yeah i saw it
Mom: hehehe

I prefer reading "letters"

I have been re-reading several of your past emails. Dad prints them out for me since he is always on...

nasal irrigator

In other news, your father asked me this morning if he could borrow my nasal irrigator.  I got very...

check please

just checking on you, like you check on me.consider yourself checked.checkmatewrite a checkcheck it...

unfortunate nudes

Hi love,Berlin is grandiose and fascinating.  We’re seeing many sights via train and subway -...

"JUST DO IT"

I called the LA County Registrar of Voters because Cassandra told me it’s not too late to...

movie review

Yo Dudettes, Dad and I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall—it was not very good. I don’t...

keith gessen

Judy wanted to know if you knew Keith Gessen. she said you should go out with him heis cute. on...

reassurance

Are you kidding?!Of course———————-not.Hey on page one of...

Peru

I’m just as excited as you about Peru! Just PLEASE don’t fall in love with an Inca...

Beside Eating It

Thought you might like to see what we can do with vegetables and fruit beside eating it…Have Great...

MAGIC BULLET

good morning It would be great idea to get out of your funk by GOING TO THE GYM. It works...

Just wondering...

Are the phone lines down in Niagara Falls …:) Much Love,Mom

you should probably divorce me

I also love you and I don’t mean to be “mean and horrible every single day.” I am...

your moment is bananas

Congratulations on your moment.  AFter our last stint at living together, I can appreciate the...

awesome idea

Mom: Why don't you marry your friend Caroline, she can have a baby. Your brother could be the donor so it would be my real grandchild. It would be your neice or nephew as well as your son or daughter.
Me: Wow it appears you've put some thought into this.
Mom: it came to me last night, I thought it was an awesome idea. run my idea by Caroline I'll even pay for the psychiatrist the kid will need one day.

Kidneys and Mobsters

I have a big favor to ask you.  I need you to look someone up for me.  I don’t know if I told...

too much.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE ALL-INCLUSIVE DISEASE BOOKS COST?too much.Mom

pizza, whoa.

Me: Aww, the owner got pizza for all of us, for my last day! Isn't that sweet? :)
Mom: That is wonderful. It is so nice when they want you to grow instead of being disgruntled, and pizza, whoa.

MY PEOPLE

Hello baby,I am on a complete people overload. All I need now is MY PEOPLE (you).Looked again at the...

Puff Mommie

Since some ‘older’ folks (i.e. your mother) read the web, you must bear with my...

I sort of like Pink Floyd?

Hi Kids. I was straightening out the cds that I have upstairs in Janie’s room. I found one...

cold

Me: Why is it so cold in here?
Mom: Because you are menopausal.

sassy new hair cut

i almost forgot to ask, did you get your hair cut?  I think Rachel Ray found out about your idea to...

Lost it.

I am losing my mind. I have no john fogerty on my ipod, not even put me in coach. What the heck is...

"match"

I just got a “match” from Jdate (I signed up last year but NEVER have used it) Check...

apple pie

The applie pie looked great and tasted great, however the apples we had here are not the best baking...

I continue to plug along

Hi Injured One,I hope you have been able to tend to your injuries okay. You didn’t sustain any...

flowers and suppositories

I’m in a hotel in Shelton , CT. Just north of New York City.  Martha Stewart and David...

Flight to Switzerland

I love you. I will pray for you. Be sure and take some kind of i.d. so if your plane crashes and...

Cat Spit

Hi dear.  Did I tell you that I have found cat spit on a leg of the kitchen table?She was using the...

sending you a hug....and another hug

i love you….and i don’t care how old you get…your never to old to come...

Rice

I’m watching the Today show and there is a rice shortage now. Rice went up 68% since Jan....

Too Many Critters.

So you know about my experience with the goose and the raccoon last night.  Yes!  Well I go to let...

just trying to protect the goods!!

mom: you had a thing with an Aussie rugby trainer?
me: hahaha yeahhh just a little bit
mom: WHo can keep up with you? Are you maintaining your virtue?
me: HAHAHAHAHA
more or less
mom: That's scary
me: what's scary??
mom: I hope it is more than less!
me: Oh mom, don't worry.
mom: Well, I love you - just trying to protect the goods!!

FW: monkey video

Stanley was the monkeys name on Leave it to Beaver.  It got pneumonia and almost dies!  His bed was...

i prooob should go

me: p.s. what do you want for your bday
mom: i want you to do well on your papers and exams
me: do you want anything tangible?
mom: ooooo good word
mom: i think my ambien has kicked in its harder to write so i prooob should go

Hot Topic

Can you do me a favor and look at Ashley’s wish list on hottopic.com? you just need to put in...

stupid wizard video

Can’t believe you’d be so dumb to do that video and put it on your...

Never Ending Story

In my excitement, of course, this was totally incorrect; Julie will always have the claim to fame of...

Addicted to Love

The song I was trying to think of was “Addicted to Love” sung by Robert Palmer.  The...

go to bed

mom: good. go to bed. i love you. good night. xooxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxo
me: i love you, gnight
mom: i mean it. turn out the light and go to sleep.
me: i will!!
mom: i like being the mommy. xo

windows

A man came to my house yesterday selling windows. He kept talking and talking. I tried to shut the...

Busted!

oh my gosh, Busted!  How often does that happen?  Far too often, just when you think it’s safe...

by the way

Lori (Greg’s) is pregnant—by the way, she is 31.  Also Michelle (Ted’s) is...

DOG MAN

Hi my beautiful daughter—Did you read the book review section of the NY Times last Sunday? I...

bull poop

My new glasses are still sht…. They tried to cover up by saying wireless frames need to be a little...

Don’t play coy with me, mom.

Me: Do you read my blog? I can track who is reading it and I think you may be. Me no likey mother.
Mom: What’s a blag?
Me: It is a sin to lie. Don’t play coy with me!! Are you reading my “online journal”?
Mom: I barely have time to call you! I don’t know how to do my space or whatever it is. You may recall that when I asked you about how it worked, you never showed me.

bathroom

I’m still in the bathroom!!!!   I DID call you back! How are you?  How is the weather?  Not bad here...

rectal exam

I hope you are feeling better today.  Now you have a special area to treat with care.  That’s...

about your date

I think the age difference for you is OK.  The only thing is that he might be very ready to settle...

botox would do just as well

I went to a plastic surgeon yesterday to talk about Brenda’s and my droopy eyelids and my many...

I was thinking grammatically.

mom: Oh good for me I am chatting with you
me: you would like this web site
me: www.postcardsfromyomomma.com
its unintentionally funny emails that moms send their kids
mom: is is postcardsfromyomomma.com or postcardsfrommymomma.com
me: they are the same thing, just click on it
mom: no they do not look closely
me: it is like a logic puzzle.. the first one
mom: you typed fromyomomma. that is not from my momma you typed from yo momma so is it "from yo momma"?
me: http://postcardsfromyomomma.com/
just click that
mom: Oh so now I get it I was thinking grammatically. I am sorry but I have to run I have to go to a meeting at 8:30 AM and before I shower I need to post this. HA HA
mom: But before I go how did you know I was on line

Strange

Oh,And dad asked if I wanted him to call me “Di” instead of Diane, like the rest of my...

get ioned

If you plugged your light in did you feel the good ions coming at you and wake up happy. Just...

I already forgot

Lazy boy, I was very surprised to hear your message last night. I already forgot I still have a son...

asking for raise

Don’t forget to do so.  You’ll  be broke if you do not ask for more pay.  Ask xxxx...

Amy Wineho

Shut up Sarah. No one even meant any of those things.  The only thing I feel bad about is your joint...

santa fe

hello!  Tomorrow I do the workshop 9-3 in Boulder, then I pick up Em YEA!!!!  I miss my...

four twenty

what did you do to celebrate?  anything cool?well, happy 4/20love, mom

taxes and cleansing

were you able to get the tax stuff Bob sent you. I hope you get a big refund. Should be able to...

gas

I JUStpaid 56.55 to fill up my car.  O.  M.  G.  ,… Luv you, Mom

the pope and prada

FYI:  Apparently the devil  AND  the Pope wear Prada.  He likes their red sneakers…and...

Idol

the other night on Idol Elliot was on to sing a song.  His mother had just died a few days prior and...

rifle

Well, Dad got a BB rifle with “pump action” and after target practice, you will be...

don't poo poo this

Hey Tough Cookie,Please don’t poo poo this.  About not liking your job was on Oprah today. ...

21 Thumbs UP Perfect Date Movie

Hi Nippers:Dad and I just returned from seeing 21 (and gambling at GVR).  The movie does have flaws...

dresser

If you are ever thinking about giving up your (beautiful custom handmade) dresser unit, (that Tom...

Don't dilly, yo.

When we were talking about the word “lollygag” - the other expression I use is,...

Don't you love me anymore?

Where are you..you didn’t call Monday night and then I called you Tuesday and left a message...

that's enuf!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom: I HAVE TAN LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Tan lines are a good thing, it means its working! But what the hell are you wearing that is giving you tan lines??? you're supposed to be naked!
Mom: I am NOT taking off my underwear - I finally took my bra off - that's enuf!!!!!!!!!!!

Your Weather

I realized today that I like watching the Sunday news show on ABC because they show live pictures of...

Hot Toddy

The party is sometime tonight  in Hickory Hills.  Dad is going to pick you up and take you home.  DO...

FUZZY CROCS

I CAN’T FIND MY FUZZY CROCS.  DID YOU WEAR THEM HOME TO YOUR APARTMENT?Mom

a middle aged lump of non-swimming-ness

Dear Child Mummy has to go away on a boat that Daddy will be driving or floating or whatever one...

family blog

You all need to call and email your dad to encourage him to sign on to this blog. His new email...

(sigh)

Mom: Your Dad went to sleep at 8:30 last night. (sigh)
Me: You’re kidding!! Was he jet lagged?
Mom: No. There was nothing good on TV.
Me: Oh my. Is that a recurring thing?
Mom: Who knows. I was out at a Social Action Committee meeting. Maybe he was hiding from your sister.

Last Night

Last night your dad was putting the cat away and he saw police lights. Little bob had been pulled...

the trouble with the internet

Hi—Thanks for sending me the article.  I thought it was pretty cool, but the comments were not...

your brother

Hope everything is great, Boy is on academic probation big time and if he doesn’t shape up,...

OMG

WHILE WE WERE WALKING IN THE MOUNTAINS TODAY A HUGE DEER WITH ANTLERS CROSSED OUR PATH AND STOPPED...

Reasons to come home

1.  It’s your birthday.2.  Your Mom is always happy to see you.3.  Bring your dress and we...

a dorable.

me: hi. i heard you hate jenny’s cribmom: HOW IS YOUR HANDme: its feeling bettermom: SHE...

“Grandma Precious”

Pope Benedict says that parents are a “precious resource for families.”  Families should start by...

small animals

I dunno. Small animals (except for Mickey) seem to turn on us. Your hamster was a b-tch. My bird was...

emoticons

mom: i don't like emoticons
mom: i saw a stupid one
mom: it supposedly stood for john lennon
me: do you know what emoticons are?
mom: no :(

diet

Well Dave & I are on a new diet. I’ve lost 15lbs and he’s lost 7lbs but I think...

vacation

So we are at breakfast overlooking the MED and there is a boy here Matt’s age and British and...

polygamists' wives

Act